


Chocolates

by Modlisznik



Series: Slice of life on Mars [4]
Category: The Technomancer (Video Game)
Genre: Academy Era, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Mother Abundance loves her children, Sean has 587 emotions and knows how to handle exactly 3 of them, now get ready for lying and talking, pre-game, war memories, you've heard of sitting and talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 01:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15876090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Modlisznik/pseuds/Modlisznik
Summary: "- I would be a good father. - Sean whispers. - If they would ever let me."Sean tries to come to terms with having his own apprentice. Connor is here to help.Compatible with "How far we've come", but can be read as stand-alone.





	Chocolates

_I'll stay here, the provider of that constant sting they call love_

Daughter, "Mothers"

 

 

Connor finds Sean on the rooftop, looking at the stars.  
\- Gods are laughing at me.  
\- Gods?  
\- I cannot sleep.  
Sean is lying on his back, his hands under his head. Connor sits down beside him, pull his legs to his chest. For a moment he considers, if he wants to know more about these gods, and decides that he doesn't.  
Finally, Sean turns his head towards him.  
\- Is Zachariah causing you trouble? That's why you came?  
\- Not at all. - Connor shakes his head. - He's a good listener, and Ian is delighted to have someone who hasn't yet heard all of his favourite anecdotes from the dig sites. But I have. - A small smile. - So I thought, I'll check what you are doing. Took me a while to find you.  
\- It's Zachariah's place, you know? He has found it, a hideout high above... before you took it away from him.  
There's no accusation in his voice; still, the words sting.  
\- I gave him something in return.  
\- And you care for him, and it was a fair bargain; I know. Yet I wonder… There's restlessness in him, longing for things distant and hidden, secret paths and forgotten places, and I'm afraid that it will make his life harder. - He looks at the sky again, reaches out with his hand, sparks are dancing on his fingers. - You can see the stars from here. Look!  
They are there indeed, far above, glistening between the shutters of the dome. Connor rarely looks at the sky; calculating the trajectories of the stars and dreaming about Earth is more of Ian's speciality. Connor keeps his head down. Perhaps there is a metaphor to be found here, but he brushes it aside. Still, the view is…  
\- Pretty.  
Even if Sean is disappointed by this lack of enthusiasm, he doesn't show it. Which, Connor decides, means that he's not. Seemingly, Sean's thoughts are elsewhere already.  
\- I know, that the stories I tell you about the war are rather…  
\- Disturbing?  
\- Depressing. But it wasn't all bad, you know? - Sean finally turns towards him, resting his head on his arm. - There are things that I miss… like feeling the wind on my face, having the sky above. I miss the stars. - His nose crinkles. - This wretched dome looms over me like a personal insult, like an over-eager parent, who thinks that children cannot be trusted with making their own choices.  
\- Mother Abundance is controlling. - Connor nods.  
\- Mother Abundance is a bitch. - Sean snaps and snarls. - But fear not; I'm keeping these thoughts to myself.  
\- I'm glad you do. - Connor can't help but glance around as if he'd spot some ASC operative hiding on the Chapel's rooftop. He feels a bit silly. - It's not a good time to voice such opinions.  
\- And when there was one, I wonder? But it's not because I fear their punishment. - Sean corrects. - Harsh as it is, it's the best life Zachariah has ever had. I don't want to spoil it with my bitterness.  
This is… unexpectedly considerate of him, but then, a lot of things are surprising these days. Still, Sean's thoughts are obviously circling around his young protégé, which could mean something very good… or equally bad.  
Connor decides not to pry. If Sean wants to talk about it, he will; if not, then Connor hopes that his presence will be enough of a support. After all, he was a guest here, under the stars.  
So Sean is first to break the silence.  
\- For the first time, I lied to him. - He doesn't sound sad. Rather thoughtful.  
\- Oh.  
\- They got some sweets today, as a reward; Melvin received a gift from one of his merchant friends and decided to share with the kids. And Zachariah kept his; the little chocolates with something crunchy inside, remember?  
\- Of course I do. - Connor smiles at his memories. They were difficult to come by, all these years ago. - You've always loved them.  
\- Well, he wanted to give me a half of this tiny thing. Can you imagine? So I lied that I don't like them very much.  
\- Did it work?  
\- It made me happier than the chocolate ever could.  
Much has changed, Connor thinks.  
\- Then I think Zach would forgive you… If he ever know.  
\- Well, I offer no guarantee as to how long I will be able to pretend that I don't really like chocolate.  
\- You know, you can just tell him, that you had a fair share of sweets in your time, and now it's his turn. - Connor suggests. - This way he will know what you like, which is very useful when he would want to make a gift for you.  
\- That's… a very good point, thank you. - Sean nods. - And here I am, overcomplicating a simple thing. I hope he won't learn this from me.  
\- I'm sure a bit of drama is inevitable, seeing as you're already Zach's main role model.  
\- And that's what scares me. What if I… will pass on to him not what I want to? What I should? Never before have I looked at myself this closely, and I don't like what I saw. - He chuckles nervously. - I'm not a good man, Connor.  
Connor resists the urge to take his hand. Time passed, but Sean still doesn't like to be touched.  
\- You know… - He says instead. - ...I've met a few genuinely evil people through all these years at the Source, and I assure you - they waste no time considering whether they're good or not. So I take your doubt as a good sign… and I think I understand you. It's only when someone looks up to you that you realize, how failable creature you are. But remember, that Zach met you at your low, and it didn't drove him off. He's aware that you're not perfect.  
\- I think he sometimes forgets it. - Sean snorts. - But you are right. I could pretend to be a paragon of virtue; I would fail miserably, but I could. But he deserves better than that.  
\- That he does.  
He sometimes wonders, what exactly happened that night, when Zach decided, for a very first time, to ask about something for himself. He could talk with the boy, of course, but he knows that the shouldn't; not yet.  
Sean lies down on his back again, copper rings of his gloves tapping on the roof, tok-tok-tok-tok-tok. Connor lies down next to him, silent, waiting for the other one to speak his mind. And when Sean does, his voice is calm, but his words are not.  
\- There is more to that, you know? I'm anxious. I've never been worried before, not this way; maybe about you, but you always were here, far away and safe… if there even is a safe place for us on this cursed land. So I cared about nothing, and enjoying the fact that nothing could hurt me, I used such weakness in others, used their bonds against them. And I feared no pain nor death; why should I? Death came for me, and it was calm… but they took it away from me.  
Connor bites his lip; he doesn't like to hear about this. He doesn't like the calmness of Sean's voice and his own helplessness. But he knows that Sean returns to these memories time and time again as if poking an aching tooth with his tongue. So he doesn't like it, but he will listen; sometimes things spoken out loud are less scary.  
\- But Zachariah… - Sean continues. - The very thought of something happening to him is paralyzing. And I see it again and again in my mind, every time I hear about another act of mindless violence, I see it done to him. - The tapping quickens. - I swore that I will never kill again. But if someone hurt him… then no gods nor shadows will tear them from my grasp.  
Connor has never killed a man - a blessing or a weakness, depending on who you ask. But he knows, is absolutely certain, that if he ever meet the person - commander, general, the Dowser himself - who gave the order, who decided, that Sean had to be there, in that time and place where a shrapnel pinned him to the wall like an insect to the board - should Connor ever meet that person, he would kill. Without hesitation, without remorse.  
So he understands.  
\- But then, I suppose… - Sean says. - ...Zachariah wouldn't want to see me breaking my promise. As I said: gods are laughing at me. Or, if you prefer: I'm fucked.  
And Connor is a creature of habit.  
\- Language.  
Sean snorts.  
\- You're adorable. You haven't changed a bit. - He reaches out and touches Connor's face, the delicate lines of wrinkles around his eyes. - I'm looking older than you now.  
\- That's not true.  
\- Nah, I accepted it. Still more handsome than you though.  
\- Won't argue with that.  
\- Good.  
They are quiet for a moment.  
\- There's so many things I want to show him. - Sean says, his eyes fixed on the stars. -  I can teach him how to survive just about anything… beside the artillery fire, as I've been proven to have some lack in this matter. But I can't protect him from people. - He frowns. - He believes that they are, at their core, good and reasonable; that if he'd adhere to the rules, then everything will be fine. And if I see this… this hope in him, then others, no doubt, will see it too. Someday someone will take advantage of him because Zachariah will mistake them for a good person. This innocence will make him a target. Should I kill it in him?  
\- Could you?  
\- No. - The answer is instantaneous, as if already waiting at the tip of the tongue. - I might as well snap his neck. It would destroy everything he is, and he deserves better than to be shaped in my image. - Sean sighs deeply, and there's a relief written on his face. - He will make his own choices, his own mistakes. If I can help him to avoid mine, then I'll die happy, but if not, maybe I can teach him how to not break under their weight.  
\- You love him. - Connor says.  
\- Yes. - Sean smiles at the stars. - Yes, I love him. It feels good, to just say it.  
And it feels good to hear it, in the stale air of Ophir, half-way between the bones of their ancestors and the dome above. Suddenly, Connor feels happy.  
\- I would be a good father. - Sean whispers. - If they would ever let me.  
\- You are now. The boy loves you too. They never will take it away from you.  
And you have waited for a long time, he thinks, but dares not to say it out loud. He's afraid that he said too much already, and apparently he did, as Sean turns towards him again, worry on his face.  
\- How can you handle this? - He asks, and his eyes are full of fear. - To know, that one day he will leave. They will take him away from me, and there is nothing I can do. I'm barely trying to wrap my head around this and I can't sleep already, yet you're going through this time and time again. How are you not falling apart?  
\- I am. - Connor says, and it is true. - Every time.  
\- You are the strongest person I've ever known.     
\- I am. - He says, and it is also true. - I wish I could have some guidance for you, apart from the empty "it's just how things are". But maybe you'll find some comfort in knowing, that this departure will be much harder for you than for him.  
\- Good.  
Connor gives him a moment to grief, to welcome this new sorrow among the old ones. Then he speaks again.  
\- Don't let this poison your joy. - He says gently. - Your days together are numbered, but all of our days are. Besides, if you'll be very, very lucky, you'll get your son back… as I have.  
\- Am I your firstborn then? I'm so sorry. - Sean chuckles, still little tense, but he's trying. - Master Brandon must have hated you.  
\- It's me who should apologize. - Connor protests, and it's more than a joke. - I was too young to be a Master. I've made so many mistakes...  
\- Don't be so hard on yourself, I was terrible. - Sean laughs. - Besides, you know what they say about the first child… a test run before the next ones. After me, you can manage pretty much anything.  
\- Still, you are the one I'm the proudest of.  
Sean finds Connor hand with his own.  
\- I love you too. - He says softly. - Thank you for hearing me out.  
\- Always.  
That's all he can do now - be near, listen, hold his hand, as all these years ago, when they were a master and an apprentice, when Connor thought he can protect him, when they both still had some innocence left to lose. But he is wiser now.  
\- I know… - He says. - ...you're worrying about the people who would try to prey on Zach, but at the end of a day, it's the people around him who will lift him up again. And he is kind and loyal and brave; he won't be alone.  
Sean shuts his eyes.  
\- That's all I want.  
\- It will be so. You'll see.  
Sean puts his hand under his head again and sighs; when he speaks once again, it sounds like a prayer.  
\- I wish for him a gentler world; warm nights, soft sand, trusted friends; a world of freedom, kindness and growth. Not for us, the old ones, but for the youth. I've not dared to think about it for the very long time, but now, when I look at him, I dream… There's still hope.  
The word rings in the night; a rare word in Ophir, even more in the Chapel. The word that, spoken enough times, perhaps could move the stale air under the dome. Perhaps one day.  
For now, there's silence and the stars.

\- Let's go back now. - Sean says briskly and stands up. - Before your husband talks my son to death, and I'll have to murder him.  
Connor laughs.  
\- Let's.  
As they head back, he slips a chocolate into Sean's pocket.  


**Author's Note:**

> ...now Connor is going to spoil them both. He's a grandpa now, he's allowed to. :D
> 
> As always, thanks to the amazing Discord folks! ;*

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Chocolates](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646809) by [WahlBuilder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WahlBuilder/pseuds/WahlBuilder)




End file.
